Family Worship: An Introduction

Last year my dad gave each of his children a copy of Don Whitney's Family Worship. It sat on my shelf for a few months and then made its way into my reading stack. 

Whitney has done the church a service in penning this little book. And little it is. At a mere 80 pages of 5x7 goodness, you should be able to read it through in one sitting. Some books of similar dimension are better suited to skimming. But Family Worship gave me cause to stop and evaluate.

This wasn't the first time that I had thought about family worship. We had made attempts in the past but consistency was elusive. Now, as I looked at my own spiritual leadership of my family I was convicted. Part of my problem was having unrealistic expectations. I kind of had this idea in my mind of a perfect "family worship" service. Imagine a mini church service. I also had set unrealistic expectations for what my kids could and could not handle. In one sense, they could handle more than I thought (more on that to come). Finally, I wasn't operating from conviction. In the past, I thought family worship was optional, a kind of add-on for super godly families. Whitney helped me see that consistent family worship should be the norm for all Christian families in the church.

The other motivator for me was that as a pastor, I want to be able to model godly leadership in the home. Family worship is an essential part of leadership in the home. I had some work to do.

The good news is for the last several months we have had regular, simple, uplifting family worship. And I would urge you to look at beginning this vital practice yourself. To that end I want to share some of the things I have learned about leading family worship and offer some practical advice on how you can do the same.

A good place to start would be picking up Donald Whitney's Family Worship. You can find it here. Tomorrow, I will look at selecting a text for family worship. Stay tuned.

Have any thoughts or tips you have found helpful for leading family worship? Let me know in the comments.

Highlights 1.19.2017

Matthew 13:51-52

“Have you understood all these things?” They said to him, “Yes.” And he said to them, “Therefore every scribe who has been trained for the kingdom of heaven is like a master of a house, who brings out of his treasure what is new and what is old.”

Psalms 119:130

The unfolding of your words gives light;
it imparts understanding to the simple.

The Necessity of Silence

Silence is golden, or so the saying goes. You can say that, but silence is so much more.

Perhaps for some silence is unbearable. The idea of sitting still and alone in a quiet room unsettles them. This can be true for different reasons. Some are extroverts and they thrive on constant interaction with others. Social media, they are there. Facebook Live, doubly so. Meeting friends for drinks after work, they are all about that. But plant them alone on a park bench at night and they fidget. They find fulfillment in the presence of others.

For others, the difficulty arises from the reckoning that silence brings to them. Silence forces them to confront their fears, failures, or fractured past. They run from silence to escape themselves.

Neither one is necessarily wrong. The world needs extroverts. People who bring relationship and care to others. People who teach their opposites how to look outside themselves and value their fellow image bearers. At other times, life can be so overwhelming that people can only hang on by surrounding themselves with activity and conversation.

But silence is valuable. It is golden. For some, you could say silence is necessary, as necessary as breathing. Loners, introverts, solitary types; for these silence is the time when they find peace, tap creativity, think and pray for others, recharge from a draining day, and prepare to meet the next.

The difficulty is that many times, relational types, people who gain energy from talking, relating, and busying themselves; they can't understand how vital silence is. They can't understand the reason you seclude yourself in a quiet side of the house, why you silently leave a dinner party and go for a walk, why you stay up after all have gone to bed, or why the thought of going to a holiday party makes you grit your teeth.

Obviously this is very generalized. People don't fit neatly into these categories. They fall somewhere in between. But if I may, a few thoughts to help you understand us silence imbibers and how you can love us.

1) Realize that our desire for solitude doesn't equal dislike. Just because we want to be alone doesn't mean we dislike you. Often, we like being around you a lot. The reason we get away for a time is so that we can get emotionally recharged to come back and love you some more. Look at the bigger picture of our relationship and realize that over time we have been very faithful as friends, and will be in the future.

2) Realize that we love you. The need for silence does not mean that we don't need to be in relationship with you. It just means that we relate differently than you do. Now, we must choose to actively demonstrate love to you in the way you best receive it. So if that means talking, we will talk. If that means listening, we will listen. If that means spending an evening with you and other friends, we are there. It is just that those things drain us in a  certain sense. Take a moment to consider that doing those things that you take for granted are at times a conscious act of love on our part.

3) Realize that we need silence. Just as we choose to love you at times by meeting up, visiting, talking on the phone, or having you over; realize that sometimes you can love us by letting us get away and enjoy silence. If you see us sitting alone, don't feel like you always have to come make conversation. If you invite us over and we decline, don't press too hard; we might have hit our limit and need some time to breathe a little. Realize that for some of us, a day of being around and interacting with other people leaves us feeling like a sponge in Death Valley. We need some time to soak in silence.

4) Realize that God made both of us how we are. Both extroverts and introverts are made in God's image. Both of us need the other. Both of us can sin in our differences. And both of us can glorify God in our differences. So help us check our need for silence against what God commands. Keep us accountable to faithfully love others more than ourselves. Don't let us stay in solitary too long. And we will do the same for you. Be ready for us to encourage you to slow down and think about something in silence for a little while. Be willing to go on a quiet walk with us. Be willing to get alone with God for a day once in a while. Learn to value the necessity of silence. Chances are, you will be glad you did.

Highlights 1.18.2017

Matthew 11:25-30

At that time Jesus declared, “I thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that you have hidden these things from the wise and understanding and revealed them to little children; yes, Father, for such was your gracious will. All things have been handed over to me by my Father, and no one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and anyone to whom the Son chooses to reveal him. Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Psalm 119:136

My eyes shed streams of tears,
    because people do not keep your law.

Highlights 1.17.2017

Psalm 119

Samekh

I hate the double-minded,
but I love your law.
You are my hiding place and my shield;
I hope in your word.
Depart from me, you evildoers,
that I may keep the commandments of my God.
Uphold me according to your promise, that I may live,
and let me not be put to shame in my hope!
Hold me up, that I may be safe
and have regard for your statutes continually!
You spurn all who go astray from your statutes,
for their cunning is in vain.
All the wicked of the earth you discard like dross,
therefore I love your testimonies.
My flesh trembles for fear of you,
and I am afraid of your judgments.

Matthew 10:26-33

“So have no fear of them, for nothing is covered that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known. What I tell you in the dark, say in the light, and what you hear whispered, proclaim on the housetops. And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows. So everyone who acknowledges me before men, I also will acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven, but whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven."

Leadership Lessons: Stonewall Jackson

As someone who has been called to minister in the local church, leadership is something I think about often. As a pastor, I am called to lead the congregation entrusted to my care. This includes setting direction for the church, directing the execution of the church's mission, modeling a godly life, and developing other leaders to continue the work of the ministry. Leadership is something I regularly study, read, think, and write about (so far that is just scribbles in my notebook). Leadership is something that I am passionate about. Leadership matters.

And the Scriptures have a lot to say about leadership. The Bible directs, instructs, and informs leaders. It also provides powerful models of leadership , both failed and successful.

But sometimes it is also helpful to draw leadership principles from other great men of the past. Great men of history provide a unique opportunity for studying leadership, both good and bad. We can look back and see where leaders came from, what molded them, what difficulties they faced, and how they led in the face of momentous challenges. We can look back and see where their decisions led. We can evaluate their accomplishments and failures and consider how we should lead in light of this.

Recently, I read Robert E. Lee: A Biography by Emory M. Thomas. Much could be said about Lee's leadership. But I was especially  intrigued to read about the bravery, conviction, and leadership of another great Confederate; perhaps the greatest subordinate to Lee, and in many ways Lee's superior, none other than Stonewall Jackson.

With my interest in Jackson piqued, I was excited to find a newer biography on Stonewall at my local public library, Rebel Yell: The Violence, Passion, and Redemption of Stonewall Jackson by S.C. Gwynne.

I started reading this biography last week and it has been hard to put down. Gwynne is a superb biographer and talented writer. He makes the days surrounding the Civil War come alive.

As I started reading about Jackson being thrust into leadership from relative anonymity, I found myself noting pages repeatedly (don't worry, in Evernote not on the pages). Jackson is a powerful example of great leadership. As Gwynne walks you through the dusty lanes of northern Virginia and the fiery baptism of those first battles, Jackson's leadership marches to the forefront.

While he was not perfect - and he would agree with that statement - Jackson was truly a great leader among men. He offers valuable lessons in leadership, timeless principles that need to be applied in our tumultuous times as well. So as I read Rebel Yell, I plan to post some brief summaries of leadership principles drawn from the life of this greatest of Southerners. I hope you will profit from it as much as I.

The Enemy inside the Walls

Any man worth his salt will think often about protecting what is valuable to him. Money in the bank, documents in the cloud, guns in the safe; we protect what we value.  We take proactive steps to ensure the safety of what we treasure. When it comes to our flesh and blood, this caution levels up big time.

No man in his right mind would ever allow danger to come at his wife and kids. So we act different than the fairer sex. We keep our head on a swivel when out in public, looking for danger close. We check the locks before we go to bed at night. We put up walls around our homes, install alarms, and sleep with our boomstick close to hand.  Double-aught baby. We exercise great caution to avoid danger, but prepare to handle it should it ever get close.  We protect what we love.

In Colossians 3:19, Paul reminds men to apply this protective mindset to the person they should love most–their wife. But this isn’t protection from danger outside the walls. It is protecting love from the enemy inside the walls, the enemy of bitterness.

“Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them.”

We get the love part. At least we know we are supposed to love our wives like Christ loves the Church. But how often do we think about bitterness toward our wives?

Bitterness is the dried out and twisted heart. It’s the remnants from the slow-burn of anger that smolders on the inside. It is under the singed heap of unmet expectations, irritations, frustrations, and anger that we choose to direct toward the one who is to instead be a well-spring of life. Bitterness is the silent killer that wraps the piano cord of selfishness around your neck and twists without mercy until your marriage lies lifeless on the floor. Bitterness is the enemy within.

Ironically, bitterness is the enemy that we let slip inside. We choose to let it in. We let it happen. Hence the command to not let bitterness poison the love of a husband for his wife.

So how do we guard against bitterness? How do we kill this silent but powerful enemy? We go back to the beginning and find the answer in one word, love. If we make it our business to love our wives, bitterness will be kept on the outside. Love is the wall that keeps bitterness out. And if bitterness ever finds its way inside, love is the weapon we choose to take up that will slay this mortal enemy. Christ centered, Spirit empowered love. 

So men, protect your love toward your wife. Watch your heart toward her. Remember, that bitterness is the enemy that will do great harm against your wife. Stay on guard for bitterness. Check that the doors to your heart are locked against it. Watch out for it. Be ready to shoot it down if it creeps in. Protect what you value most. Protect your love for your wife.